Write On

Sometimes you just can't win.  Some well-meaning friends encourage me to write as I'm engaged with this present saga of dark depression.  They tell me to write for the sake of others who are facing similar struggles.  They also feel that it would be therapeutic for me (I know that is true).

Others feel that I write too much.  Spare the gruesome details.  Don't hang out your dirty laundry for all to see.  Honestly, I don't feel that I'm doing that.

So, who do I listen to?  At this moment I will listen to the promptings in my own spirit.  I will write!

During this latest bout with the awful "D" word which has lasted 18 months, I have experienced every imaginable emotion.  The one loss that the Lord has graciously protected me from is the passing of a loved one.  I'm certainly grateful for that.

Other losses have been stacked on top of each other with several recent ones in the past 2-3 weeks.  Does one's heart or spirit become immune and insensitive to heartache?  Sometimes I think that's true.  Immune in a sense but the pain still persists.

Have I caused others undue heartache and pain through this valley?  Without a doubt!  Am I pleased about that?  Absolutely not!  Do I want to correct my path on which I find myself?  Of course!  But sometimes the fog won't lift long enough to allow us to see the face of God, the scriptures He left to be our lifeline or even the outstretched hands of family and friends.  We are blinded by circumstances and need His balm lovingly applied to our bloodshot eyes.

So here I sit, baring my soul.  Some will be blessed by my comments, encouraged to know that they are NOT alone.  Others will be critical that I have been so honest and transparent.

Only the sovereign God knows my heart, my struggles, my joys, my all.  He knows why I do what I do.  In the end He, only, will be my judge and "write" now He wants me to "write".

And so I will write on...

Black

I've gone fishing in the archive pond again. As I battle this present bout with depression I often find solace in things I have written in the past while I looked up from the bottom of the pit.

Here's one from 3 years ago:

Long-time friends of the Pilgrim might recall this post from the "dark ages". This dreaded guest, clothed in black, came knocking again this weekend and especially this morning, causing me to recall this post. Through the support of friends and the Spirit of God I was able to right my ship before it hit the rocks. THANKS.

Here's that post:

Lately another guest, or maybe I should call him a predator has been lingering around my "house". The dreaded "D" word...depression... has been lurking. Many of you, no doubt, have had to deal with this unwelcome visitor.

Back in January I penned a brief "post" entitled Dark Night of the Soul. In the midst of our darkness may we experience His deliverance, His delight, His divine presence.

Dark Night of the Soul

Fear
Pain
Panic
Terror
Shaking
Hot Sweats
Desperation
Cold Sweats
Apprehension
Introspection
Uncertainty
Trembling
Heartache
Insomnia
Anxiety
Horror
Dread
Guilt

"The peace of God which passes all understanding shall GUARD and GARRISON your hearts, through Christ Jesus our Lord." - Philippians 4:7

Fishing

My creative juices have dried up during this warm spell so I went fishing in the Scribblings archives again and found the following post.  It was written three (3) years ago today.  With the exception of a couple of slight changes I have reproduced the post as it appeared on July 28th, 2007.  Your comments are welcomed.

Here it is:

O. K. friends, here are Sixteen Saints who I'd love to spend time with on a quiet summer afternoon. I've listed eight (8) women and eight (8) men who I would love to get to know better. Many are dead now but these would be my SIXTEEN SAINTS.

WOMEN:

1. AMY CARMICHAEL
2. ELISABETH ELLIOT (pictured)
3. SUSANNA WESLEY
4. RUTH BELL GRAHAM
5. FANNY CROSBY
6. ELIZABETH SKOGLUND
7. FRANCES RIDLEY HAVERGAL
8. EVANGELINE FISHER (my grandmother)

MEN:

1. JIM ELLIOT
2. GEORGE MULLER
3. CHARLES HADDON SPURGEON
4. D. L. MOODY
5. ROBERT CLEAVER CHAPMAN
6. BILLY GRAHAM
7. ANDREW BONAR
8. ROBERT MURRAY M'CHEYNE
9. J. HUDSON TAYLOR

Oops, that makes seventeen. I neglected to add my hero, Hudson Taylor and I couldn't remove a name from the list so we have SEVENTEEN  SAINTS.

Of course I could add 50 more but this would be my list as of now. What about yours?

I'd be curious to read your list of Sixteen (or Seventeen) Saints. Go ahead! Make your list! God bless!

Divine Appointments?

Although I don't frequent Facebook as often as I used to, I still check in from time to time and leave an update regarding my "status".  The following "status" was posted yesterday:

"David Fisher found a "quiet" spot in a secluded (?) place to read a book this morning. Friends from Quebec came long. We chatted. Then a childhood friend and his wife just "happened" to be walking past. They joined in the conversation. Another couple I've known for 50 years approached. How many pages did I read? None! But I cherished the conversation!"

Often in our attempts to "get away" from people in our quest for solitude we find ourselves in the presence of those who God has "sent" to encourage us and lift our spirits during a difficult time.  That was the case yesterday.  I just wanted to be alone for an hour or two with a good book, never dreaming that I would be "found" by three Christian couples whom the Lord would use to bless me.  Each one spoke of times in the past when I had encouraged them or ministered to them in a significant way.

The scriptures remind us that "the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord." (Psalm 37:23) When we aren't feeling very "good" ourselves He will direct the steps of other "good" people to intersect with ours.

Thank you Lord for Lloyd and Pamela, Gord and Lynda and Gord and Marg.  You all quietly refreshed my spirit in my search for "quietness".

Scoop

After weeks of stoic silence I can now reveal some secrets about the big wedding.

Yes, Mike Fisher and Carrie Underwood were married on Saturday, July 10th but not in Ottawa, Nashville, Peterborough or Oklahoma.

Want more of a scoop?

Check out People magazine this Friday.  'Nuff said.

Better Than A Hallelujah

While browsing the web this evening I came across a powerful song by Amy Grant.  Can anything be better than a "Hallelujah"?  Maybe.

Click on this link and be blessed.

Happy 4th of July

Today we wish our American readers a very special 4th of July.  Have a great day and let's remember to thank God for the freedom(s) we enjoy.   

Chickening Out?

The original intent of this Pilgrim Scribblings blog was to share my innermost thoughts, feelings, convictions, beliefs, struggles, victories, defeats, concerns, etc. with the blogging community at large.

That's why I called my posts "scribblings"...writing out what was on my mind so others could perhaps identify with the joys and sorrows of another pilgrim.

Well...writing about the "dark" times can often be misinterpreted as "hanging out the dirty laundry" so I have not always posted how I really feel or...how I am really "doing".  That likely won't change...at least in the near future.

I was thinking about this the other day while riding the tractor, cutting the lawn, and was concerned that readers might not really want to read the truth, the stark realities of the pilgrim's day to day struggles.  Those thoughts prompted the following poem that I leave with you to ponder over:

"One request have I to make

And that, I trust, you'll give me:

And if, perchance, my words offend,

Then I pray, please forgive me."

Your comments are welcomed!

Just Like a Waving Flag

Today is Canada Day north of the U. S. border.  Celebrations are taking place from the smallest hamlet to the huge metropolitan centres.  Hundreds of thousands of proud Canadians will be waving our flag.

To be brutally honest, the design of our flag doesn't do a thing for me.  It has been called "Pearson's Dishrag" as Lester B. Pearson was our Prime Minister when our "new" flag was introduced.  Seeing the Stars and Stripes in the U. S. inspires patriotism in me like nothing else even though I'm a Canadian.

But I am straying from my point...

The other day as I drove home from Toronto I witnessed another celebration as thousands of sad but proud Canadians lined the overpasses on the Highway of Heroes, a stretch of Highway 401 between our Armed Forces base in Trenton, Ontario and Toronto, our province's capital city.  Each time one of our Canadian troops is killed in battle, he or she is flown "home" to Trenton where a repatriation ceremony takes place.  Then a motorcade of police cars, military personnel, hearses and family members travels along the Highway of Heroes to the coroner's office in Toronto.

Each time I drove under an overpass (and there were dozens of them) I saw hundreds of Canadians waving flags, waiting for the motorcade to pass.  There were fire engines with their lights flashing, ambulances doing the same and police cars lining the side of the highway at the overpasses.

That's when our Canadian flag becomes a thing of beauty for me.  It's difficult to hold back the tears as I think of family members mourning the loss of their loved ones who gave their lives to buy freedom for others.

So, my friends, Happy Canada Day and wave that flag with all your might!